Knowing vs. knowledge

Today again there were two distinct thoughts, although one came during  - I am uncomfortable with the terminology - ceremony, ritual, prayer, process - nothing fits, exactly, it is as though I am being led by the hand, or by the heart through, well, not through darkness exactly, but through a mist, and again, I know that it is going to be alright, even if that means that my definition of alright has to change again.

I've been considering that.  I've been fortunate for a number of years now, and life comes in cycles of feast and famine.  I have not had much, but I have had enough, and I need to be prepared for that to change.

So, first it was more difficult this time to clear my head, to let the sweetgrass burn, to think, and when I finally got there, I felt the  moment of peace, and that opportunity for connection.  It  opened up this ongoing dialogue that I have been having about the dichotomy between western thought, and knowledge, and this, whatever it is, that is happening here.  Just opened the door.

Then I closed with cedar, and what came out was thanks for having a body that works so well, which was surprising.  I do not feel as if it does most of the time, so it was a bit of a shock, but somehow that needed to be said, so I left it.

Later, driving into town, the first thought came to the fore again, and there has always been a part of me that knows when things "are right."  It doesn't make sense, and often goes against logical sense, goes against reason, practicality, planning, and common sense.  Sometimes there are things which need to get done despite the fact that there isn't time to do them, sometimes they need to get done, despite the fact that it seems as if there are not resources to do them.

Generally I can tell the difference between real things, and procrastination, bad reasons, stalling, fear, shame, hurt, and other things.  I don't always listen, but it is usually clear.  Burning sweetgrass has been helping me to listen.

What does this mean?

I don't know if I want to be a person from the 7th fire. I don't know if I am.  I am afraid. Of knowing. Of not knowing. Of things being real. Of things being my overactive imagination.