Runes are telling me a lot of the same things:
put down the stick - stop fighting
go on a trip
help and be helped - learn reciprocity
things don't always work the way you want them to
and...
the answers are right there in front of you, just follow them
so,
here I am getting on with things.
Thank you to the Goddess for the advice, as ever.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
todays meditation started with a feeling of pain so strong it was nauseating.
then i saw stormclouds, thunderclouds seen through a red haze.
They grew eyes, and a mouth, and I was shaking with fear.
the world resolved into a white light, and a wall of flames, and I was aware that I was feeling the birth of the warrior. I felt calm, and strong, and I had strength to match the stormclouds.
I had to ask the warrior to go away so i could feel that again, and it was scary.
they were asking if i was sure, i wasn't but it was good to know they were there.
then i saw stormclouds, thunderclouds seen through a red haze.
They grew eyes, and a mouth, and I was shaking with fear.
the world resolved into a white light, and a wall of flames, and I was aware that I was feeling the birth of the warrior. I felt calm, and strong, and I had strength to match the stormclouds.
I had to ask the warrior to go away so i could feel that again, and it was scary.
they were asking if i was sure, i wasn't but it was good to know they were there.
Monday, July 9, 2012
My mother told a story of dropping me while skiing with me on her back, when I was very young. I fell down a hill next to a river, coming to rest on the riverbank, and ended up face to face with a muskrat...
I wonder if that was what the memory from yesterday was all about - dreaming of a lake, and then a sudden field of white, a glimpse of a pine forest, and then indistinct snowy fur, water, and then arms and a blurry face. I don't remember being afraid.
I wonder what other memories there are.
I got to visit with Raven this trip, and
I wonder if that was what the memory from yesterday was all about - dreaming of a lake, and then a sudden field of white, a glimpse of a pine forest, and then indistinct snowy fur, water, and then arms and a blurry face. I don't remember being afraid.
I wonder what other memories there are.
I got to visit with Raven this trip, and
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Foo
Grounding today was interesting.
Twice this week by the Kam, once on the mountain, and today at home, where I prayed for the families of Cee, and Kyle, the two elders lost to friends, and my community this week.
That was painful.
Then, because I have been feeling that the Goddess wants to tell me something I asked her to tell me.
I felt my energy travel down, through the crawlspace, plant tendrils into the earth, draw up, and gather power in my head, stretch to become a column into the atmosphere, and then, after praying and moving some pain around, I became the centre of a ball of fire and the visions came:
I see the shore of a body of water. To the left is a point, and in front is a sand beach, the trees are bluish in the twilight, it is dawn or dusk, and I can see sunset or sunrise just to the right of me.
The trees are mixed varieties, and outlines against the sky.
Then everything is whited out with a closeup of white, and I see snow on branches, pine branches, and it is snow on a pine forest, but then it resolves into the same curve of shoreline, only in winter, and the water is a shiny, slate grey. The right half of my vision is obscured with whitish spiky fur/hair which keeps moving in and out of my vision, and blocking part of the view.
It seemed to resolve a bit into hair, but it as blurry, and it seemed to be a person, with their arms on either side of me, but I couldn't see their face.
Right after that, I saw a garbage can clearly, with the garbage can lid open, and the one so kindly referred to as "garbage can eyes" because she's like Oscar, peering from between the can and the lid came out and cuddled with me for a bit. It was a really strange experience. She's tiny and scared, and the memory clearly has to do with her.
Then I went to close my shield, from centering, and it had this red gunge on in, so I tried to clear it off, send it out, but instead it wrapped around it, and turned into a black net. Apparently I need to bring it in, and deal with it, not send it out. So I regrounded myself, and I get to do it again another day.
fsk.
lessons:
1. if stuff spills out, collect it.
2. don't stress, the images will come
how to tell if the 'foo' is real:
- if it feels close to your heart, and true to reality? I think is what K said?
- if my skin feels tingly, like everything is just a bit electric
-if my joints hurt, especially my hips, and my knees and shoulders
- if everything seems extra clear, and things just fall into place for a conversation, or an idea
I still can't really believe this is happening. The cat sat next to me while I was meditating though, not on me, which was odd. Usually she's under or on me, even when I am trying to do pushups or something.
Twice this week by the Kam, once on the mountain, and today at home, where I prayed for the families of Cee, and Kyle, the two elders lost to friends, and my community this week.
That was painful.
Then, because I have been feeling that the Goddess wants to tell me something I asked her to tell me.
I felt my energy travel down, through the crawlspace, plant tendrils into the earth, draw up, and gather power in my head, stretch to become a column into the atmosphere, and then, after praying and moving some pain around, I became the centre of a ball of fire and the visions came:
I see the shore of a body of water. To the left is a point, and in front is a sand beach, the trees are bluish in the twilight, it is dawn or dusk, and I can see sunset or sunrise just to the right of me.
The trees are mixed varieties, and outlines against the sky.
Then everything is whited out with a closeup of white, and I see snow on branches, pine branches, and it is snow on a pine forest, but then it resolves into the same curve of shoreline, only in winter, and the water is a shiny, slate grey. The right half of my vision is obscured with whitish spiky fur/hair which keeps moving in and out of my vision, and blocking part of the view.
It seemed to resolve a bit into hair, but it as blurry, and it seemed to be a person, with their arms on either side of me, but I couldn't see their face.
Right after that, I saw a garbage can clearly, with the garbage can lid open, and the one so kindly referred to as "garbage can eyes" because she's like Oscar, peering from between the can and the lid came out and cuddled with me for a bit. It was a really strange experience. She's tiny and scared, and the memory clearly has to do with her.
Then I went to close my shield, from centering, and it had this red gunge on in, so I tried to clear it off, send it out, but instead it wrapped around it, and turned into a black net. Apparently I need to bring it in, and deal with it, not send it out. So I regrounded myself, and I get to do it again another day.
fsk.
lessons:
1. if stuff spills out, collect it.
2. don't stress, the images will come
how to tell if the 'foo' is real:
- if it feels close to your heart, and true to reality? I think is what K said?
- if my skin feels tingly, like everything is just a bit electric
-if my joints hurt, especially my hips, and my knees and shoulders
- if everything seems extra clear, and things just fall into place for a conversation, or an idea
I still can't really believe this is happening. The cat sat next to me while I was meditating though, not on me, which was odd. Usually she's under or on me, even when I am trying to do pushups or something.
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